For I would not brethren, have you ignorant of my affliction which came to me by way of cancer. That I was pressed out of measure, beyond strength, insomuch that I despaired even of life. But I had the sentence of death on myself, that I should not trust in myself, but in God which raiseth the dead. Who delivered me from so great a death, and continues to deliver:

Paul writes these words in First Corinthians 1:8-10a. The only difference being, where I said I, he says us, and cancer in place of Asia.

December 25, 2010, I was told that I had stage 4 cancer and  I was devastated. Later I was told, you have stage 4  lymphoma cancer and leukemia (SLL/CLL). Like most, I tried to keep most of my fears inside, not wanting the world to know my apprehensions. Plus I was told that the kind of cancer I had, would take a long time to attrition. I was even told that probably something else would kill me before my cancer did. Yet at that time, the thought of my life here in this body, coming to and end, troubled me greatly.

As I became more knowledgeable about the cancer I had, I began to realize that not everything my doctors were telling me were complete. The more I found out, the more I realized that my death, may be sooner than later.

It was certainly true that many with the cancer I have, live long lives. As much as twenty-five years and ever more after diagnosis. But I found, that within my type of cancer, there are many factors that determine life expectancy. Also after being told that it would be many years before anything would be needed to be done. I was told just after eight months from diagnosis, that I would need to start chemotherapy.

After having a test called FISH (florescence in situ hybridization), which is used to look at genes or chromosomes in cells and tissues. I asked about my results, and was told I had a 92% deletion of the 17p chromosome. That put me in the high risk category for a very aggressive cancer. Upon questioning my Oncologist further, it was finally told to me that chemotherapy usually has no effect. Eventually I was told in June of 2012 that the only course of action left for me, was a stem cell transplant, or a clinical trial. Currently there are other treatments now, and good ones, Ibrutinib being just one.

Being to old for a successful stem cell transplant, a clinical trial was the only thing left. After being told sorry, the trial I was signed up for, had been filled, I felt a very deep feeling of loss.

Well the rest of the story I have written about in previous blogs, so I will not repeat myself. But after almost two and half years from that feeling of loss, I quote those verses above. For my Father in heaven, gave me the trust in Him, I needed. He is the One who loves me, and everyone else, more that we can imagine. How do I know this, because He sent his only begotten, only beloved son, to take our place. He, Jesus the Christ received condemnation, we received forgiveness. He, Jesus the Christ, received death, we received life.

Now it is true, that many will not, and do not accept or believe this. But for those who do believe, then His condemnation gives them forgiveness, and His death, gives them life, and that life is to be with Him forever.

I have heard it said,  “It is a cancer that doesn’t kill you.” I know this is said with well meaning in mind. But this cancer has no mercy, and does kill everyday. I know, I have spoken with many in these past years, who have died because of it.

It has also been said, “positive thinking has really made a change for you. ”I have no positive thinking or positive thought concerning my cancer.  I say, “have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed.” and He does daily. I say “Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved; for thou art my praise.” and He does.

The centurion tells Jesus that his servant is at home sick. Jesus says, I will come and heal him.

Thank you Lord, my prayer is that all would know the immeasurable and eternal love you have for them.

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